He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
