My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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