I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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