you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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