this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
