Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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