he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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