an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
