Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
