I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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