trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
