I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
