I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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