All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
