Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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