Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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