I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize