party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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