I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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