forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
