so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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