she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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