i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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