Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
