'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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