I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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