he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
