Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
