We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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