thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
