are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
