she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
