My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
