And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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