If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
