i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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