She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
