At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
