did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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