; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
