The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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