i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
