doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
