You made me cry and you don't even care
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
