its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
