So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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