Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina is officially offended.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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