Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
