My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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