Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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