i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
