I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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