At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
