i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
