I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They have beer where we have blood.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
