So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im at strip club and am horny
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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