I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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