Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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