YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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