and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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