then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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