i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
