Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
