So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
