WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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